What do you think would carry the most personal stress for the individual in a highly public celebrity relationship: The individual stress associated with attending to damage control efforts to manager one’s personal brand in the media’s eye? Or, the personal stress of what toll the alleged affair will have on the intimate relationship?

The great equalizer whether having a public “personal brand” or not, are the feelings of betrayal have the same emotional impact on us all. If in the public eye, the efforts one takes to correct the situation may be more public, take more financial investment to hire a public relations expert, yet the same emotional impact applies.

It is not pathological to have conflict in our intimate relationships. All relationships are expected to encounter conflict. In fact, couples experiencing stressors in their intimate relationship are often related to suspicions a partner is engaging in an extra marital affair ranks highest along with financial stressors, or related to decisions which must be made in the care of children. Furthermore, developmentally, the navigation through conflicts is necessary to achieve mature growth in the relationships we pursue.

Experiencing conflict is not only expected, it is natural, healthy, and terribly suspect if couples never address conflicts, or fail to admit conflict exist. Extra marital affairs are not pleasant situations to address, admit to, or to resolve as they are charged with emotional turmoil, disappointment, lost trust, but must be addressed when they occur, and can make a couple closer and even more mature in their ability to express dissatisfactions as they surface whether than gratifying needs outside the relationship.

Resolving Extra Marital Affair Conflict Is An Opportunity To Grow Personally And Mature

To grow oneself up in a relationship requires an understanding of how a partner naturally drives the other to grow whether they like it or not. One’s feelings of love, if there is love in the relationship, will enable the partner to stay in the relationship long enough to see the other past their attachment dilemmas. Feelings of Love is what makes a person stick around when conflicts develop and helps lessen one’s urge to abandon the relationship or worse make it disposable.

Key Concepts
The Desire To Initiate / Resisting An Affair
Recovery From A Affair
Avoiding Secrets
Career Conflicts
Financial Conflicts Which Trigger The Perception Of Control Over

Resisting Feelings of Ambivalence – The Deal Breaker
Feelings of Trust
Feeling Safe & Secure; Reassured of Commitment

Couples Therapy
Address conflicts in the relationship honestly
Discuss key relationship dynamics which led to negative feelings of betrayal, and/or other feelings
Mend the relationship / Repair the relationship
Last, and only after a process of repair, should a discussion of dissolution of the relationship be entertained.

Source: Psychological Precipice (2009) Read More: http://www.psychologicalprecipice.com/

Until Next Time: à Donf

Lofton Consulting Training Seminars

Dr. L. R. Lofton, Psy.D., specializes in a Differentiation Based Approach to confronting and addressing life dilemmas to achieve personal success in the relationships we pursue.

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