By Dr. Lawana R. Lofton, PsyD –
While strolling through San Francisco Pier 39 and Fisherman’s Wharf waterfronts, you will find specular views, world travelers, and the occasional familiar scene of couples enjoying themselves in the city. A city filled with romance if one chooses to indulge themselves.
It is common to see couples in relationships enjoying all the neighborhood ambiance San Francisco has to offer, but more importantly one quickly notices also on display, for all to observe, is how willing some couples are in exhibiting their irrefutable fascination for one another. Public displays of affection some refer to it as when they see couples deeply engaged with one another; lovingly sharing food, or engaged in lively positive conversation with no overt visible signs of indifference towards one another.
In intimate relationships, “…… initially, we are romantically intrigued with our partner and we ﬁnd such pursuits to learn more about them stimulating. Even the simplest of interactions shared together become pleasurable events, and oﬀer a window of opportunity to learn more about them, and of their intentions towards another romantically.” (Lofton, 2009. Pg167)
Later, with increased familiarity and couples reach that point in their intimate relationships when greater relationship demands surface to test their commitment, patience, or strength of willingness to work through tough times together, many report relationship conflicts not easily resolved.
This is a normal and predictable stage in all relationships. All intimate relationships encounter conflict and it is important to note it is suspect if couples report they never experience conflicts in their intimate relationships.
After the gratifying elixir of a romantic pursuit has long faded and all that can be known about a partner is revealed, this is when the true test of relationships commence.
Do not allow the occurrence of fading intimacy dishearten you. This is a normal part of all intimate relationships. The heightened euphoric feelings associated with the process during the pursuit of falling in love are ﬂeeting, and were never designed to last. Equally, do not allow this awareness to become a source of sadness for something greater outside the relationship because more intensity in the current relationship is possible if a person is willing to continue in the relationship and address the conflicts which exist.
Until Next Time: a’ Donf
Reference: Dr. Lawana Rene’ Lofton. Psychological Précipice: The Psychological Pursuit To Find The Best In You (2009). Pg. 167, 170.