- Give first unconditionally
- Trust the process
- Contribute to the process
- Be loving yourself if what you want is love
- In order to be capable of receiving love you must always give what it is you want to receive. In life, you never get more than you are willing to give.
- Be the person you wish to attract
- Never ask your partner to be more than you are willing to be for yourself!
- Allow yourself to be vulnerable
- Talk with your partner openly and honestly
- Discuss the difficult topics even if you stand to risk rejection. Knowing where you stand in the relationship is always a more powerful position to have than standing in the wings waiting for the day you both discover you have reached a deal breaker. Listen, you deserve to have what you want now. Not ten years from now because you were too fearful to go after it now.
- Don’t sacrifice yourself for the relationship
- Have a vested interest in your own projects. The projects that inspire you and make you a more interesting and engaging passionate person. And, have projects, or interests, you can share together with a partner.
- Have confidence! Just because it is incredibly attractive and seductive.
- Take responsibility for your feelings
- Know you can only change yourself. Accept your partner as they are. If you notice how difficult it is for you to change think about the amount of manipulation you will have to put forth to have someone else change just to suit you. It is not fair in any relationship. Plus, if we demand our partner change to suit us, and they do, we typically grow to resent them for giving in to our wishes and come to see them as weak. It is not rational, but it is what we do. It is easier to just change ourselves.
- Let go of absolute value judgments
- Be yourself always. No excuses! Let other’s ponder why they do not have the guts to live more authentically.
- Know your intentions behind your words
- Communicate your wants and needs to your partner. Appreciate what a partner is willing to give within their comfort level.
- Drop your expectations of how your mate should be
- When a partner shows you who they really are the first time believe them. This is likely their true self and it is easier to find a partner who shares your values than attempting to change them to suit your values.
- Listen with your whole body, mind, soul, instincts, when choosing a compatible partner. Do not sell yourself short. Life is too short to miss out on what you deserve and desire.
- Express your appreciation and gratitude openly and often
- Examine your beliefs about love & relationships
- Have a dialogue about your beliefs, and expectations in a relationship
- Use humor to defuse difficult situations and conflicts, but never avoid feeling the anxiety that surfaces as this is an indicator something must be explored more in depth for growth.
- Examine your desire to control your partner
- Say Yes more often to positive opportunities
These are my favorite top 28. Based on your own unique life experiences, you may have other strategies to add and I would welcome you to share them here for the community to review and discuss. Since I published the list in 2009, my only wish is, with time and perspective, I would have added a couple of other strategies on the importance of compatibility with regard to individual temperament compatibility, with more specificity.
:::: Until Next time: à Donf ::::
Dr. Lawana R. Lofton, PsyD – Psychologist with one simple goal of making concepts of psychology accessible. Read Psychological Précipice: The Psychological Pursuit To Find The Best In You on Amazon. If you have not read it yet, I highly recommend it.
Excerpt from the book: Copyright © 2009 by Dr. Lawana Rene Lofton, PsyD. All rights reserved. No reproduction permitted, by any means, without the written permission of the publisher except in the case of brief quotations embodied in articles and reviews.